In our desperate struggle to pimp a snack before the options were taken up, we turned to the (apparently) sexist bar of gorgeous chocolate that is… the Yorkie bar! So, armed with nothing but money, the junior pimp crew set out to do something pretty basic.
Homies will need:
1200g of Chocolate
3 Tupperware containers
2 Oven mitts (Just in case one gets set on fire!)
Nerves of steel (if you get embarrassed buying large amounts of chocolate in Sainsbury’s and/or accidentally catch fire)
Break up chocolate with fellow Pimpers, dividing the chocolate equally between you. We found that this was a fun step if you did it in a race. When doing so, melted chocolate gets stuck to your hands and you are forced by the cruelties of nature to lick it off.
Place first Pimper’s chocolate in a glass bowl and place inside a saucepan of boiling water.
We had a slight mishap whilst doing this. I, the ringleader, held my mitt too close to the gas flame and it caught fire! Let this be a lesson to you: uh… Don’t catch fire. It’s bad for you.
Pour chocolate into moulds and make sure the base is smooth. Smooth just like a pimped snack should be! If it isn’t smooth, tap the container continually on the side until the lumps disappear.
Place the containers inside freezer to set. TIP: Place on top of somebody else’s low calorie dinner to absorb the excess calories. Repeat steps 2, 3 and 4 for other segments. When you’re done, take advantage of the opportunity to lick the dregs of melted chocolate that were ‘accidentally’ left behind.
Wrestle with containers until they are free of chocolate. We found it easiest to get the chocolate out by cutting round the edges with a knife and then whacking it on the bottom until it came out. Verbal abuse was also used, but the Yorkie bar didn’t take much notice. TIP: If a fellow pimper is hitting the container with the blade of a knife DO NOT place fingers onto chocolate during this process. (Note have plasters at the ready because we have accomplished an extraordinary amount of injuries during this pimp!)
Inscribe the top of the bars with the word YORKIE and you’re good to go. (If doing this pimp with some gals, be careful. This is because they started trying to eat their blocks and got angry when I said no.)
The end result didn’t look much like a Yorkie, but it sure was tasty! We also forgot to buy a Yorkie for comparison, so we used one of the gal’s phones.
We even did a cross-section, but it wasn’t much use. There’s just more chocolate on the inside!
At this point, the ringleader thought it was necessary to preserve the Yorkie in order for more generations to look upon its majesty!