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Drumstick Lolly

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As many drumstick chews as you can find on a bank holiday Monday in a garage, or several, depending on your determination. We opted for £3s worth.


Step 1. At a time like this, there is only one thing that can, and must be done. Drumstick-Jenga. It’s serious business guys.

Step 2.
The unwrapping may look like a daunting task, and it is. If you have access to a sweatshop, may we recommend utilising it.

Step 3. Cut the sweets roughly in half, be precise if you can be arsed, we couldn’t.

N.B. time can be saved at this stage, though at risk of own digits and limbs, depending on clumsiness. We can accept no responsibility for injuries caused during this pimp. You have been warned.

Step 4. Melt the different halves over pans of boiling water.

N.B. we would recommend using a plate as, with a little help from physics, we discovered the greater surface area greatly aided in the melting process – pimpin’ genius!

Mmm, molten…

Step 5. Pour one of the batches of molten GOO into the mould and let it cool. Add cylindrical object to create a hole. We opted for the traditional method of a BIRO COVERED IN CLING FILM. Pour in remaining GOO.

Step 6. Remove the beast from the mould and grab your PLIERS! Wrestle the cling film covered biro from its prison and then replace it with a BIG STICK covered in white paper. Mmm, authenticity.

Step 7. Stick it to STUFF! Realise the 5 second rule for dropped cakes etc does not work in this situation.

Spend copious amounts of time removing STUFF from Drumlog. God damn.

Step 8. Compare!

Add kick-ass WRAPPER! (Kudos to Nat and her paint shop skills. Oh yes.)

Please note at this time, that another use for the Drumlog would be to batter, clobber and pummel someone you don’t like, though they may DIE.

N.B. this beast has incredible adhesive properties (see step 7), so if you intend on making a wrapper that you would like to be able to get off again, cover it in sticky-back-plastic as it seems to resist the DRUMLOG’s powers.

Step 9. Consume!

Though, after licking abundant amounts of goo that got stuck to spoons, bowls, work surfaces, tea towels, floor, walls, us, we were sick at the sight of it so sent it off to a poor uni lad who is now living off its sugary goodness. Happy endings all round!

Thus is the power of the almighty DRUMLOG! Worship it or we’ll come bust a cap in yo ass. Innit.


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