A KitKat for Real Men
by for £4.00

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The aim of this pimp is to create a proper four-finger kit kat, one that could fill up even the hungriest of lumberjacks.
You will need: -

10 kit kat chunky (8 to use, with two spare) @ say 40p each
A heavy yet dextrous knife (very sharp)
A pan of very hot nearly simmering water (be careful, this may be hot)
A bowl of ice cubes, just covered with water (be careful, this may be cold).
Chopping boards, kitchen roll, and preferable a fridge/freezer.
TOTAL COST = £4

Method:

Step one:

The aim of this step is to cut the kit kats to shape. This involves lining them up, and trimming off one end, such that it is squared off with the biscuit showing.

MAKE SURE:

* THE LABELS ARE ALL THE SAME WAY ROUND
* THE BARS ARE TRIMMED TO THE SAME LENGTH

Step two:

Having trimmed bars you are now ready to commence assembly. It is strongly recommended that chocolate trimmings are NOT eaten (yet) but put to one side for later use.

I assembled each side of the 4 fingers first then welded together. With hindsight it is probably easier to join each pair of ‘chunkys’ together to form the improved finger, then weld the fingers together. However, I will be describing my method, as I haven’t tried the other yet.

To assemble, first heat the blade of the knife in hot water. Whilst this is heating, place you non-knife hand in the ice water until very numb. This will allow you to grip the kit kats without melting them. Once knife is hot and other hand is cold, remove from water, dry on towel.

To join each chunky together side on in blocks of four, first run the side of the tip of the blade along the edge of the base of the chunky. This should melt the rim. Repeat for second chunky (having quickly re-warmed the knife), then press two bars together, trying to keep the ends level, and the gap between them even.

Repeat with next two joins.

Repeat with other side.

The end result of step two should look something like the picture above.

Step three:

In this step you will weld the two halves together end on.

As the biscuit from each centre is level with the end of each half, this makes simply melting the end and pushing them together impossible. I know; I tried. Several times. The best bet is to use the chocolate trimmings from earlier (or if like me you ate them, you greedy piglet, use shaving from on of the spare ‘chunkys’) to produce surplus molten chocolate inside the join. The halves can them be pushed together using this excess chocolate to join weld them together.

I did this by bracing the back of one half against my belly holding the other in my cold hand, and placing the hot knife in between. I then sprinkled the shaving over the knife area, and gently push the halves together so the shavings were pushed onto the hot knife. Once the shavings have melted, I removed the knife, and pushed the halves fully together, holding them there whilst the chocolate weld set.

MAKE SURE:

* USE PLENTY OF CHOCOLATE SHAVINGS, AS HALF OF THEM WILL STICK TO THE KNIFE AND CAN’T BE USED FOR THE WELD

Once the weld has set, I advise placing in a fridge for a few hours to harden fully. You can use some of this time to make the label.

Step four:

The label. Ideally this should be made as an identical copy of a kit kat label, but due to the amount of red ink involved I made it in outline form only, but the effect is still the same.

MAKE SURE:

* TO UPDATE THE NUMBER OF CALOURIES INVOLVED

REMEMBER:

* CALOURIES = TASTE = FUN

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