Now yes, it is true someone may have recently pimped something a little similar to this a short while back but I think that there’s always room for something extra and pointless (isn’t that after all the central philosophy of pimping?) and besides, I was already mid-pimp so nuts to you all- I carried on!
Edible rice paper (3 packs @ 75p each)
Icing sugar (about 90p)
Food colouring (dredged up from the back of the cupboard)
4 packs of sherbet complete with superfluous liquorice (50p each)
Pint of water
Estimated cost: £5.15
1. What to construct a sherbet saucer from? The only substance known to me that possesses the required sweet-yet-tasteless quality of a sherbet saucer hull was rice paper. Surprisingly, as rice paper seems to be a specialist product exclusively used as a pointless macaroon base, Tescos had a ready supply! Having assembled the ingredients I now needed a spacecraft shaped mould.
2. Luckily I was able to fashion a saucer from some everyday household items namely a bowl, camping plate and Clingfilm.
3. Remembering the wisdom and teachings of original 80’s sweatshirted master-pimp Neil Buchanan I decide papier-maché is the only way to go. Edible maché was a challenge but I was guided by a vision of the master Buchanan covering a balloon with newspaper and wallpaper paste in order to make a useless and cumbersome doorknocker. I made a frankly, terrifying looking “glue” from icing sugar, water and blue food colouring and got stuck in.
4. Having made the two halves I left them to dry……for a long time. This interval can be used quite productively for finding gainful employment, taking a short holiday or indeed explaining exactly why no-one can use the dining table to the rest of the house.
5. Finally! Two dry and (so)solid spaceship halves. Now all that was left to do was fill them with delicious sherbet and attach the top and bottom together with more icing-glue.
6. Voila! Look at that! Look at it dwarfing that chair! Perspective you say? Shhhh! Any glucose based extra terrestrial would be proud to own it.
7. But wait…… yes it’s bigger, yes it’s a miracle of modern engineering but is it sufficiently pimped? When people “pimp their rides” they don’t end up driving around in an enormous Nova do they? No! No self respecting XXXXXX would dream of indulging in their favoured activity of racing down the high street of a small rural town, tyres squealing, hurling digestive biscuits at passers by* without some classy additions to their vehicle.
*Perhaps this is just my town? But still, it’s proof (as if proof were needed) that snacking and pimping go hand in hand.
The most popular alterations seem to be spoilers, enormous exhausts, speakers, window tints and alloys but with spaceships not having wheels, a front/back, windows and indeed travelling in a vacuum rendering speakers pointless (maybe this isn’t the time to consider the word “pointless” Sarah) there was only one way to go. That’s right, neon under lights. Strictly speaking, these glow sticks aren’t edible which probably violates some pimping code but hey, the label says “non-toxic” and that’s good enough for me.