12 large (free range) eggs
2 packs of breadcrumbs (200g)
1.5kg of sausagemeat (mmmmm sausagemeat)
1 scotch egg for comparison
Total Cost – £9.53
Estimated Calories – 5000
So, sadly I am one for the more obscure websites in the world, recently I was telling my friend about a truly pointless website and he countered with pimpmysnack.com. Hooked instantly I immediately informed my friends, posted on various discussion boards and… told the wife.
Now my wife is a little bit of a cookery nut and it didn’t help that she was being egged (sorry) on by her equally insane friend. I myself am more of a partaking than construction person but I have in the past raised my love of meat and hence a giant scotch egg was born.
Fig 1. The ingredients:
So as to method… an ostrich egg was mooted though it was eggstremely (I will stop) eggpensive (no really, that’s the last). So the mad women (I think a fair description) decided they would make the egg themselves by combining many eggs into a single giant egg.
This would involve separating the whites and the yolk and then somehow (like they had a clue – they were making it up as they went along) combine them into one super egg.
Ok, the story now gets a little complicated (my idea is a little sketchy because my friend and I got a little bored and started playing the xbox360) however from interviewing the main participants I think they did this….
1. Got two identically sized plastic bowls
2. Put them in saucepans full of boiling water and then coated the insides with egg white to the depth where the yolk would go, keeping it moving with barbeque tongs (not that women should be allowed to wield these)
Fig 3. Making the egg:
3. Then placed a jam jar inside to make an indentation for the yolk
4. After that filled up the space around the jar with more white.
Fig 4. Random Jar endeavours
Ok so I was paying partial attention and this is all very clever (never underestimate the ingenuity of women with a purpose). So all that was left was to…
5. Remove the jar (oh by the way these were greased and filled with boiling water (apparently that’s important)) and add the yolk in the yolk shaped hole.
6. Microwave the whole caboodle.
7. While this is happening roll out the sausagemeat into a pizza shape (It has just occurred to me that this is becoming awfully recipe like and I am sure none of you are insane enough to actually want to make this) sorry… on with the show.
8. Ok the egg is in two halves now and needs to be stuck together with…. gravity (sigh). I think this could possibly be improved upon: cocktail sticks, marmite, bubblegum, anything would do (I may be in trouble when they read this).
Fig 5 The egg:
Ok now comes the carnage. Roll the egg up into the sausagemeat, a process that has only been described to me as sticky… How pleasant, the women then went for a tinfoil wrap around the egg for some reason (apparently to keep its shape they are yelling from the background… hmmm maybe screech is a better word) erm… sorry I digress and they:
9. Crumbed it (not that that is a verb but it is what they did anyway). I can only describe this as dropping a gobstopper on a floor covered in dandruff. (Observant people may notice this happened before the tinfoil) Coat the lot and…
Fig 6. Crumbed it
10. Pop it in a large Pyrex bowl and put it in the oven to bake for 30 mins (at gas mark 7, whatever that is) then put it on a baking tray to crisp… no foil here. (At gas mark 9, I think it’s a bit like why they need to know the weights of babies).
And hey presto… just two and a half hours of time, a kitchen that looks like a bombsite and serious loss of self esteem gives you…. a giant scotch egg. A total of 10 people came to view it… one of whom went to church so they could get a lift afterwards to view it (God working in mysterious ways and all).
As for me, my friend and I were charged with taking it out of the oven at the appropriate time and NOT EATING IT. Arrggghhh! You try sitting there with a couple of kilos of sausagey eggy goodness and not partaking (mmm… partaking).
Well here it is in all its glory:
Fig 7. The finished product:
And the obligatory cross section. (The small one is a quails egg):
Fig 8. Cross section.
So there you have it, the madcap design of nutty women given a challenge, the taste not bad, over half of it went in the evening. The rest is being gradually parcelled out to friends and families.