Meat Baby

Step 1: Ingredients. You will need the following ingredients to make meat babies… Fresh mushrooms, fresh onion, fresh garlic, cherry tomatoes, red wine, 6 eggs, lemon pepper (or normal pepper) and a big pile of meat.

Step 2: Add the mince meat to a large pan or bowl, throw in the eggs and a big splash of red wine.

Step 3: Grate a large onion and the mushrooms.

Step 4: Mix in some sausages with the grated mushrooms and onion. 

Step 5: The fun bit – mash the hell out of it.

Step 6: Chop and paste the garlic. Don’t use it all though you’ll need some for teeth later.

Step 7: When you are happy you have done enough mashing, add the garlic pulp and lemon pepper and mix it in.

Step 8: You’re ready to start molding your Meat Baby. Put some flour down on a clean surface.

Step 9: Throw and roll the meat baby mix around the room a bit then mold as you like.

Step 10: Just like real babies, all meat babies are different so you can make yours what ever shape and size you like.

Step 11: Once you’re happy with the shape of your Meat Baby(s) have a clean up and get the bacon out of the fridge + cut the fat and rind off it.

Step 12: Apply the Meat Baby bacon skin to your Meat Babies.

Step 13: You can use the rest of the garlic and cherry tomatoes to create nice features to your own special Meat Baby.

Step 14: Pre-heat the oven to 160ish then finish off the final touches to your Meat Baby features.

Step 15: You’re all set. Crack a bit of fresh lemon pepper and sprinkle a bit of salt.

Step 16: Put your Meat Baby(s) in the oven, then sit back and finish the red wine.

Step 17: It is important to baste your Meat Baby regularly, you don’t want it drowning in its on fat.

Step 18: Spoon off the fat and meat skeg and place it into a bowl or jug. This way you can save it to make a nice drink later or something.

Step 19: Remove your Meat Babies from the oven after around 2hrs and let them stand to cool for a short while.

Step 20: Spoon off the rest of the excess fat and oils. Remember to save this for a nice soup or drink to go with the meal.

Step 21: Carve and serve, preferably on a first date, to a vegetarian partner, with some fava beans and a nice chianti