Frigate Cake
by for £40.00

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Pimp Daddy would just like to take a moment to say that this is one of the most dedicated, skillful and impressive pimps he has seen to date.

To that end, he's rated this a rare 10/10. Y'aaaaaaaar!


Avast ye mateys! To the stern she blows!

Late one night on the tube a strumpet of our acquaintance was giving us a full broadside about our cooking skills. As a challenge, and due to a complete obsession with sailing ships, we proclaimed that for her birthday in two weeks there would be present the most massive and impressive birthday cake she had ever seen, in the shape of an 18th century frigate. A few days later, a friend pointed us at this website. It was fated.

Much experimentation had to be done. The first problem was the mast, which called for something pretty solid, but of course edible. A quick trip to the sweet shop brought home some 'cables' - very long and thick coloured cylinders however a bit on the floppy side. How to harden them? In the true spirit of scientific enquiry we put one in the freezer, and one in the oven on low heat, to see what would happen.

The freezer - the cable went hard for a bit but thawed out pretty quickly. Not a success.
The oven - on low heat the cable melted into one big sticky gooey mess. Despite the first mate pointing out that after we had scraped the muck out of the oven it was, in fact, much harder, the phrase 'unmitigated disaster' could still be heard.

Idea two - solid chocolate! Back to the sweet shop for some of Cadbury's finest. Now, what to use as a mould? A genius purchase in Sainsbury's held promise - a 2.99 plastic cricket set, containing three hollow plastic cricket stumps!

Cut one end of stump. Melt chocolate, taking careful note of the bowl-in-the-pot-of-water technique perfected on this site. pour into stump. Have celebratory drink and retire. Ignore suggestions from first mate's girlfriend who pointed out that getting solid chocolate mast out of the mould may be a problem, and make bet regarding likely success.

Next morning - first mate owes girlfriend five pounds. The cutting out expedition is an unmitigated disaster - neither the pouring-hot-water-over-it idea or the cutting-away-the-mould idea prevented the result looking remarkably like the lower digestive tract. Morale takes a blow but the fighting spirit lives on. Back to the drawing board.

Revelation - when at first you don't succeed, cheat. Decide that the final masts shall be the original cables, with bamboo sticks shoved up them to give rigidity. One day to go - time to get cracking! A last trip to the sweet store for truly enormous bag of sweets containing cables, licorice ropes, licorice cannons, and various sea creatures.

Victoria sponge is decided on as the cake of choice. First mate retrieves ingredients, cake tins, etc and proceeds to mix up a storm.

Rated 87.28 /100 - 903 votes (4.35/5)

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