There seemed to be an abundance of chocolate based snacks on Pimp That Snack, so I thought I’d try to pimp something a bit fruitier, a little bit chewier…
What better than to pimp the humble Starburst/Chewit/Fruitella?!
Off to the shops I went, to search out these chewy nuggets of delight. Now these kind of sweets seem to have fallen by the wayside somewhat in recent years. It is quite hard to get anything other than sacriliciously renamed ‘Starbursts’ in the chewy fruity sweets-in-a-packet variety these days, especially if you aren’t going to travel any further than Budgens. I bought one pifflingly small packet of Starburst, 45g, and 2 big bags, which weighed 200g each, totalling over eight times the weight of the original! This was going to be a very large packet of sweets! I was also going to need some paper and pens to create some pimplicious shiny packaging.
First, I opened both the packs, and sorted through them all, putting them in colour groups. What?! Only 17 purple ones?! And where are the yellow ones?! What was going on here?! On closer inspection I discovered that the lemon flavoured ones have been incorporated into the lime ones, creating some new bogus flavour called ‘Lemon and Lime’. For shame, Masterfoods, for shame.
I figured it would be pretty easy to mould the individual Starbursts together, needing eight small ones to create one large one of the same dimensions. First I unwrapped all of the sweets, making sure I didn’t eat any and fighting off marauding sweet-pinchers. Then I moulded eight ‘lemon and lime’ together.
This looked great but took ages and it kept falling apart, which was a pain, so I busted out my gold plated microwave! Other pimps seemed to have had mishaps with their microwaves, so I tentatively put a few sweets in for 40 second blasts, which left the humble starbursts begging for mercy and flailing about like chewing gum. This was the perfect amount of time for the SB’s (Starbursts) to soften just enough to be pliable, but not so much that they burned a hole through my hand. Haha, suckers.
Then I did what im sure I wasn’t alone in doing when I was a kid (please don’t say I’m the only person who ever did this…), rolling the sweets around in my hands like playdoh:
I used a massive knife I found in the kitchen drawer and a cake slice to shape the sweets into the proper dimensions.
Here are all the sweets moulded and shaped:
The heat from microwaving had made them a little too soft to hold their shape properly (I wanted corners here!) So I placed them in the fridge for while to firm up a bit. Meanwhile I set to work creating their wrappings. I had some origami paper which was the perfect colours for this, which I cut to 4 times the size of the original wrapping. The real wrappers have the SB logo on them, which I could have copied, but I didn’t want to do the same design as those damn Starburst, I had a better plan in mind…
I got the sweets out of the fridge and wrapped them up, then measured a piece of yellow paper to the right size for the outer wrapping, upon which I did something a little bit special…. (at this point I had to leave the outside wrapper to dry overnight). I went to bed to dream of giant sweeties covered in gold…
And then, it was done! Here we have the finished item: The snackdaddy of them all, the fruity sweet to end all fruity sweets! I couldn’t call them Starburst, not after all we’d been through! These, my friend, these were Opal Fruits, the sweet of kings!
And, of course, the obligatory reveal-all centrefold:
Other possible names included:
Starbursts from the Old School