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Colossal Vanilla Slice

Rated 86.09%
539 votes

Estimated Cost: AUD$70.00 for the ingredients
AUD$15.00 for the mould

We here in Australia are a humble bunch, but we love nothing more than to beat the Poms at their own game. Yes, yes I realise we lost the last Rugby World Cup, and the Ashes for that matter, so it was time for us Aussies to regain some lost pride. It was time for me and my mate Pimp-master Mark to restore the honour.

It took us a bit of time to come up with something uniquely Australian, and in the end we decided on the humble Vanilla Slice, which is choice custard, sandwiched between puff pastry and topped with icing.

To get this pimp underway we needed the following ingredients:

18 Litres of milk
1.5kg or raw sugar
1kg of custard powder
6 sheets of lovely puff pastry
Bit of gelatine
Vanilla essence
1kg of icing sugar
Raspberry jam
And some butter

Also, we found that there were no baking trays suitable for scale of behemoth-ness we were looking for, so I went to the local hardware store and purchased some MDF to make the mould. This is me using my long lost 8th grade woodworking skills. It would make any form worker proud I am sure.

First of all we lined the mould with some glad wrap to make removal easier. Then we joined a few pieces of puff pastry together to make the base of the slice. Note to puff pastry suppliers – your pathetic sheets are far too small for serious pimping!!

Now came the serious part – the custard. We were unsure if it would be stable enough, so we added some gelatine. Pimp-master Mark made a test batch to check consistency and stability. It looked solid enough, and when eaten, it had the consistency of Clag glue, so we knew we had it right.

The making of the custard took a very long time – we had to make the custard 3 litres at a time. Unfortunately, work wouldn’t give me and the Pimp-master any snack related leave, so it took three nights after work to get the six batches of custard done.

Once the mould was filled with wobbly custard, we made another layer of pastry, which we placed on top of the custard. Now normally, the slice is topped with vanilla icing only, but we decided to give the slice some extra pimping with some raspberry jam swirls. Note the trowel like icing applicator.

The unveiling of the slice came at the birthday party of Uncle Noel, who was our faithful kitchen bitch throughout this journey. Unfortunately, we couldn’t make the most of this party, as I am sure we received a hernia from lifting this 20kg monster.

We shared the custardy love between the people at work, who actually enjoyed our pimped vanilla slice. For now, I never want to see another damn vanilla slice in my time, or even any custard for that matter. But we put in the hard yards for a bit of Aussie pimping pride….. Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!


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