Average retail price of a ‘Wich: £1.49
Pimped ‘Wich: £14 (all of our pocket money)
1kg Pure margarine
2,25kg Sainsbury’s Basics Self Raising Flour
1.8Kg Caster Sugar
1kg Sainsburys’ Basics Plain Chocolate
1 bottle of Vanilla Essence.
2kg of Swedish Glace Vanilla flavoured non-dairy ice-cream.
We bought but didn’t use because we are silly:
1litre Sainsburys’ basics Soya milk
The ‘Wich resides amongst the lost chocolate snacks of the chocolate snack forest, a ‘Wich consists of two scrummy cookies groping a voluptuous slice of ice-cream. We decided to make this pimp vegan because animals are quality. We started our divine quest at 3.30pm on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, spending a glorious two hours searching for vegan ice-cream. Finally we had all the ingredients in the picture below:
But we didn’t need half of what we bought. So maybe we’ll make two!
Part 1, The Industrious Stage: Sieve the two and a half kilo’s of flour and mix the margarine and sugar into a ‘paste’. Sugary buttery paste? Look at the joy it brings to his face. Also, Delia Smith must have arms like tree trunks, because it really, really hurt.
Part 2, cookie dough yummyness: Mix the above ingredients together (plus those chunky chocolaty chunky chocolate chunks) into a beautiful pillow of cookie dough.
Part 4, The Construction of the Cookie: Here you can see a giant mutant cookie next to its puny predecessor. What does everyone else use for a rolling pin? We resorted to a thermos flask to attack our mighty mountain of doughy goodness L.
Part 5, To The Oven!: We made bets on how long it would take in the oven, the woman lost! (she’s not in the picture..). It took forty minutes of awkward silence and anticipation before our cookie was ready for the big wide world.
Part 6, DISASTER STRIKES!!: Our Cookie exploded! Not all of the cookie made it as it decided to ooze its way over the sides of our baking tray like the scary purple goo in Ghostbusters. It was about half seven by now and we had spent four and a half hours constructing this goliath, we weren’t about to be defeated by this minor setback however..
Part 7, The Cookie Was Born: We discovered a knife and performed more surgery on our cookie and crafted it into the perfect base for our ‘Wich.
We got our euphoria back after we had our cookie catastrophe, and we were spurred on to create the top cookie for our masterpiece.
Part 8, The Great Ice-Cream Debate: Once we mixed the ice-cream and the chocolate together we had to decide how we were going to get the ice-cream to stay inside the cookie. The boys wanted to put the ice-cream on the warm cookies because they were eager to finish our mission, but the girl persevered and made us all wait until the cookie was cool. And at 10 at night.
Part 9, Adding the Ice-Cream to the Cookie: The boys finally took control and applied the ice-cream deliciousness to the middle of the cookie. All was well!
At this point we’d like to remind you that this is made from all vegan ingredients, and Ben and Jerry’s ‘Wich’s aren’t. This ended up being our downfall as the rubbish vegan ice-cream has a weak constitution and melts at freezing point:
And then we decided to make this into an Iced Gem Pimp instead (Not really…).
Part 10, The Reckoning: Although the ice-cream was melting, we still had high hopes for our ‘Wich. You can see the original ‘Wich in the corner, isn’t it tiny… Because of our excitement and sleep deprivation we got the top cookie out of the oven a little earlier then we should have, and this led to yet another set back in our delicious dream…
Oh my god! We were all struck with panic as the slightly warm ‘Wich began to fall apart before our very eyes. We attempted to salvage our cookie by supporting it from all angles with our infinity of hands, but it was to no avail, the last cookie had indeed crumbled.
Crap. Eight hours out of three young lives. That’s the same as spending a day at school in Cookery Class with no playtime. It still tasted great though, the beauty was on the inside. Apart from when we found out how much fat was in it. The beast contained 1,098 grams of fat and a total of 29,865 calories. We worked out that the mighty pimp ‘Wich could provide your fat and calorie intake for 15 days (11 if you’re a man).
What we learnt from this experience: vegan ice cream is the devil, but we encourage other pimpers out there to experiment with vegan goodness