Now yes, it is true someone may have recently pimped something a little similar to this a short while back but I think that there’s always room for something extra and pointless (isn’t that after all the central philosophy of pimping?) and besides, I was already mid-pimp so nuts to you all- I carried on!

Ingredients:

Edible rice paper (3 packs @ 75p each)
Icing sugar (about 90p)
Food colouring (dredged up from the back of the cupboard)
4 packs of sherbet complete with superfluous liquorice (50p each)
Pint of water
Clingfilm

Estimated cost: £5.15

1. What to construct a sherbet saucer from? The only substance known to me that possesses the required sweet-yet-tasteless quality of a sherbet saucer hull was rice paper. Surprisingly, as rice paper seems to be a specialist product exclusively used as a pointless macaroon base, Tescos had a ready supply! Having assembled the ingredients I now needed a spacecraft shaped mould.

2. Luckily I was able to fashion a saucer from some everyday household items namely a bowl, camping plate and Clingfilm.

3. Remembering the wisdom and teachings of original 80’s sweatshirted master-pimp Neil Buchanan I decide papier-maché is the only way to go. Edible maché was a challenge but I was guided by a vision of the master Buchanan covering a balloon with newspaper and wallpaper paste in order to make a useless and cumbersome doorknocker. I made a frankly, terrifying looking “glue” from icing sugar, water and blue food colouring and got stuck in.

4. Having made the two halves I left them to dry……for a long time. This interval can be used quite productively for finding gainful employment, taking a short holiday or indeed explaining exactly why no-one can use the dining table to the rest of the house.