Alpimpi
by for £11.92

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Less than half an hour after the second base coat we decided it was solid enough to turn out, and turn out we did. The paper took a little peeling to get off, but we had a solid cuboid of chocolate and calories – the behemoth weighs no less than 2¼ pounds, compared to a titchy 2-3 grams of the original. We used the remnants of today’s chocolate bar to patch the corners up a little and to draw the gouges found in the top of every Alpini sweet. Gotta love those gouges.

Finally we dusted icing sugar on it to have that Alpine mountain snow-covered look that the packaging boasts. If Alpini is the Alps then this is Olympus Mons. It was harder than it looks to get the small amount on the sides – the pastry brush was wet and the thing melted when you touched it!!

We brought it up on its tray to unveil to our gaming group, complete with sign...

We had a look at the inside and it registered as wonderful in all five senses.

I suggest using a hacksaw to get through those layers of chocolate, but having a quarter slice was that little piece of heaven. Even though by the end of the day the behemoth we’d spent all week on was nestling in about twenty very happy people’s stomachs.

So, to review…I don’t think we would have got this taste if it weren’t for the praline powder. The fact the nuts were caramelised really added something nice to it. But it still missed something special that’s in the originals – we racked our brains but couldn’t think of it at all…oh well.

Statistics: We used a grand total of eleven bars of chocolate – one 250g and the rest 200g, all but the big one being Belgian chocolate. It weighed 2¼ pounds and its dimensions were 7½ inches long, 2¼ deep and 2¾ wide. (Yeah, I like Imperial.) Please don’t ask us what the calorie count was; we truly don’t wanna know…suffice to say that a normal Alpini is about seventy calories and this thing is about 400%.

As for pricing:
(Note: this includes the stuff we used for testing and gobbling, too…)
Normal Belgian chocolate – 69p, x8
Emma’s expensive Belgian chocolate – 80p x2
Cadbury’s Dairy Milk – £1.20ish
Pot of fresh double cream – 75p x2
Vanilla essence – mum-bought, probably just over a pound
Vanilla sugar – make it yourself
Vahine Praline mix – €1.20 (about…80p?)

Total: £11.92, approx.

So essentially this was a surprisingly cheap pimp for the price of the originals (£3.00 odd?!?), it just had looooots of chocolate that added up.

Rated 83.24 /100 - 68 votes (4.15/5)

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