West Coast Pimp
by for £19.00

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5. When your bottle is ready, take it out of the fridge, but leave it in the plastic bottle while you remove the reservoir form. Tape a straight pin to a chopstick, or rig up something similar, and stick it down the tube to pop the water balloon. Then turn the bottle upside down to drain the water out. Next, run a metal nail file under hot water, and run it around the neck of the bottle, between the chocolate and the plastic tube, all the way down to the end of the tube where it is taped to the balloon. It will take a while, and several re-heatings of the file, but when you can twist the plastic tube around it is ready to be removed. I used pliers to pull the tube and popped balloon out, which made an excellent squelchy noise and splattered watery chocolate all over the walls. When you have the reservoir out, get your box cutter and slice down the taped seams to remove the chocolate bottle. Or, if you are into prolonging the anticipation, strip the tape off piece by piece. That's fun, too. Pull the sides of the plastic bottle apart to slide the chocolate bottle out. If you scratch it, you can use warm water to polish the bottle.

6. (optional) Put the bottle back in the plastic form for safety and pack it and the chocolate-filled bottle top in bubble wrap in a shoe box, and put it in your carry-on bag. Go to Portland International Airport, and spend ten minutes being searched at security while they wand the shoe box with everything they can think of. Don't bother offering to show them the bottle, because really the security personnel just like to wand things with their drug- and bomb-sniffing wands. When they have decided that you will probably not be able to get high off of or blow up the airport with your chocolate bottle, proceed to your gate and board the plane, and fly away.

7. Finish the bottle. Pick what kind of alcohol you want to use. We picked Frangelico, because it is delicious and also because it tastes of hazelnut and we thought it would be good with chocolate. We were right. Pour the alcohol into the chocolate bottle, and be amazed, as we were, by the capacity of the reservoir. The entire 24 oz bottle fit inside, and stayed inside with nary a leak.

This is when the chocolate-filled oil bottle top comes into play. Pop the chocolate plug out of the bottle top and stick it in the chocolate bottle. If you are hardcore about sealing the bottle, melt the chocolate on the lip of the plug and the top of the neck of the bottle before sticking the plug in. If you are more concerned about getting to the point where you can consume the bottle and its contents, just plug it and wrap the bottle. We delegated the job of making the foil wrapper to the one of us with a degree in fine arts, and he immediately vetoed making the pimped bottle match the Frangelico bottle, because it is shaped like a monk. Instead he decided to match on of the titchy bottles in the inspiration set, the Malibu coconut rum, I think because it was blue and pretty. Cover the bottle in foil, and then apply the label with whatever means you deem appropriate. In this case, it was a printed label and several trial and error attempts before we ended up with a blue foil bottle. The bottle was 9 inches tall and weighed 2 lbs empty, more like 3 lbs filled.

Then we had a party, and you can, too, with a fabulous pimped liquor-filled chocolate bottle.

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