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Ten Tonneocks Teacake

Rated 91.46%
1220 votes

One cold and lonely Sunday, we decided to Pimp a snack…….
But what, we asked ourselves? In search of an answer, off we trot to the
land of Morrisons, aisle 16 : BISCUITS. After finding the prospect of all
the biscuits quite frankly unchallenging, we stumbled across the one and
only Tunnocks Teacake, and vowed to create something bigger, better, more
life threatening in terms of hyperglycaemia… The “Ten Tonneocks Teacake”!!!

Having no idea whatsoever of how to make marshmallow, and only a rudimentary
knowledge of how to make biscuit, we called in the cavalry (our mums). 
Pretty soon, we had scribbled all the necessary ingredients onto the back of
our excitedly sweaty hands, and filled a shopping basket with more fat and
calories than even Atkins would have allowed.

Here’s what we bought:

The recipe for marshmallow called for Corn Syrup, seemingly an American
phenomenon, and since we couldn’t find any we bought glucose syrup instead
and crossed our fingers.

To begin with, we blew up a balloon, stood it in a pint pot, and covered it
in cling film to act as a mould for our chocolate dome. Then given our
amazing scientific knowledge, we put this in the fridge without the
chocolate to allow the warm air in the balloon to condense and thus avoid
cracking the dome at a later stage. Aren’t we clever!?

As the balloon cooled, we made a start on our biscuit base. Let’s take a

After the kneading and rolling was completed, we found a suitably sized flan
dish, cut the dough to size…

… and then popped it into the oven, at gas mark 5, until golden brown and
satisfactorily crunchy. Poking at it every two minutes with a knife to see
how it’s going isn’t essential, but we did it anyway!!

While the biscuit baked, we set about melting our chocolate. We had 800g in
total, but thought that layering it over the balloon in stages would produce
the best results. So we started with three bars, equalling 300g. We melted
the chocolate by placing it in a glass bowl over a pan of boiling water,
stirring it with a wooden spoon.

Then, spatulas in hand, we spread the beautiful molten chocolate over our
mould, giggling like maniacs as our baby actually began to take shape.

We then put the mould back into the fridge to set.

It was then time to tackle the most challenging part of our pimp. The

The recipe called for boiling sugar to skin stripping temperatures exceeding
200 degrees. Quite frankly, we were terrified. Deciding not to pour
ourselves a couple of vodkas after all, we set to work…
We cut our 12 leaves of gelatine into small strips. Adding a cup of water
per leaf, we then allowed this to stand for ten minutes while the gelatine
‘bloomed’. Then taking a large saucepan, we added two cups of castor sugar,
one cup of water, and a hefty dose of the glucose syrup. Fingers crossed
once again, we cranked up the heat until the mixture was bubbling furiously
like a volcano. This was then poured into the gelatine mixture, whilst
whisking at a slow speed to avoid injury/death. Once we realised we weren’t
at any real risk of third degree burns and a trip in an ambulance, we added
a splash of vanilla essence, and turned up the whisk to full speed until (by
some miracle) our marshmallow became thick and fluffy. We then placed this
by an open window to cool and set.

We then added another 200g of chocolate in a smoother layer to our balloon
mould, and returned it to the fridge to solidify.

Once marshmallow and chocolate were ready, the monster began to take shape…

Popping our balloon was the moment of truth for our enterprise, and worked
surprisingly well as we were left with a cycling helmet of thick chocolate. 
Turning this upside down, we filled it with marshmallow and trimmed down the
edges with a hot knife to accommodate the biscuit base. We then flipped the
beast on its head. Melting the remaining 300g of chocolate, we poured this
over our teacake to give it a smoother finish. The whole thing was popped
back in the fridge to harden.

We then removed any excess chocolate from the edges with another hot knife. 
Here’s what we came out with:

Now for the wrapper!!!
Equipment needed: Tin foil, red permanent marker, patience of a Saint.

And here’s the finished article, wrapped and ready to go next to his
comparatively malnourished companion.

Now, ladies and gentlemen! With another hot knife in hand, the moment of
truth! The cross-section!!!

The finished article weighed in at just under 1.4 kg, was 23cm in diameter,
17cm tall and tasted great… if sugar is your thing, that is… taking the
thing to work was met with faces of glee.

So, all in all, a pretty successful first time pimpin’ project!


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