Perfect Burger
About this build
A large beef burger, bacon, melted cheese, salad and relish are stacked inside a round loaf cut into three layers.
Archive summary updated
Read the original account and photographs ↓
What the original account establishes
These notes distinguish the recorded result from quantities or settings the contributor did not specify. Follow each source link to the original passage.
- A round brown loaf from Asda that looked like a bun inspired a burger scaled 6 times up from a quarter pounder, loosely following a bacon double cheeseburger with salad added. The patty was 703g of lean beef steak mince mixed with an egg and moulded, so sloppy it was coated in flour before frying in olive oil; nearly three-quarters of a kilo of meat took about 20 minutes to fry and two spatulas to turn. The loaf was cut into three for more cheese-melting area, every layer spread with Bick’s burger relish, the bottom padded with iceberg lettuce, a few sad slices of tomato and mayonnaise, the bacon fried hard, and eight cheese slices used per layer. More salad was added after the first assembly looked light on it, the whole was photographed on a dinner plate with a microwave for scale, and the maker ate it alone over three meals, guessing at around 3000 calories from about 6 times a 493-calorie Big Mac. Source 1 · Source 2 · Source 3 · Source 4 · Source 5 · Source 6 · Source 7 · Source 8 · Source 9 · Source 10 · Source 11 · Source 12 · Source 13
Notes from the contributor
Selected passages from the original account. Quantities may describe shopping, tests or the final build; follow the linked passage for its full context.
Behold – the raw ingredients!
Read in context →
Archive guides · Explore projects
The original account
A simple burger is no good when you’re marvin for some real snacky satisfaction. A chance meeting with a round loaf in Asda, a flash of inspiration that it looked *really* like a burger bun (only in brown bread, which is obviously healthy and cancels the lard factor) and bada bing… the burgerperfect was born. A 6x scaled version of the quarter pounder.
The ‘burger bun’ that inspired it all.
Firstly, we listed the things a good burger must have (basing it loosely on Burger King’s ‘bacon double cheese’ but adding vegetation again, in a lard-cancelling capability).
– meat
– more meat (bacon)
– cheese
– a bun
– vegetation
– relish
– mayo
Onion rings were pondered, but we forgot to buy them.
Behold – the raw ingredients!
Sadly, the mayo and relish didn’t make it into the shot, and we have some spurious finger rolls and olive oil. Actually, the olive oil was used to fry the burger, so ok, it can stay in.
The burger was basically 703g of Asda’s finest lean beef steak mince, combined with an egg and stirred up, then moulded lovingly into the biggest beef patty I had ever had the joy of making. It was a bit sloopy but this was solved by coating it in flour (not pictured) before frying.
The monster…. nearly 3/4 of a kilo of MEAT. Oh yeah. It took about 20 minutes to fry, and turning it required manual dexterity and two spatulas.
The next step was to prepare the peripherals so that the burger would have somewhere to go when it got out of the pan.
The loaf was cut into three so as to facilitate the maximum cheese melting area. We contemplated having two thin burgers, but figured one thick one would be simpler (oh lazy, lazy us).
All layers were spread copiously with Bick’s burger relish, then the bottom layer was padded out with iceberg lettuce, a few slices of tomato (which looked really pitiful – we should have used one of those beef tomato things they fry up at greasy spoons) and a liberal lacing of mayo. This was to be the ‘bed’ for the burger.
The bacon was fried to within an inch of its life, and the cheese slices were released from their packaging. More salady-goodness was prepared for the upper layer, but not installed because it would have slipped off when layering the burger.
First attempt. Note lack of salad but overkill on the cheese. We used eight slices per layer. The top has the bacon in, but the bottom layer salad is dwarfed by the mighty burger.
Quick! More salad, nurse! The burger takes on the familiar – my god I’m hungry – layout. Oh yes. This is a mighty burger.
It’s on a dinner plate, and that’s a microwave to the right for scale. Oh yes. Mmmmmmm. And I ate it ALL myself. Over three meals.
I dread to think how many calories, but it’s about 6 times the size of a big mac, which has 493 calories, so this might have around 3000 calories in it.
