Mr Porky's Revenge
by for £5.00

This is our master plan which dreamt up over some ale in our local pub, the home of inspired thinking. What could we pimp to make the perfect accompaniment to a cold pint of beer?

We settled on our favourite pub snack, the pork scratching.

We used:

One kindly butcher
One handful of salt
Three tablespoons of cooking oil
One piece of pork skin (60*cm by 50 cm)
Enough lager for a decent afternoon
A large roasting tin

We folded the skin, so that is would achieve the curled effect witnessed in regular pork scratchings. Instead of the traditional method of deep frying, we opted for baking for 2 hours, at gas mark 4. When the pork is fried on boiling oil, the bubbling which takes place momentarily doubles the volume of the oil, which is potentially lethal, you see.

The end result was a monster nibble, standing at 10cm high, and 20cm across. We calculate this to be ten times the size of the average scratching. It also contains enough saturated fat to be classified as dangerous weapon, we think.

We took the finished pork scratching to it’s natural habitat (the pub), where after several drinkers had tried it, a gentleman declared that he would like to eat the entire thing, which he promptly did. He has not been seen since.

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