“Hey Al, Have you seen the ‘Pimp that Snack’ website”
“Yes Sam, Want to do one?”
Two weeks later Sam & John Visit us (Al and Marcia (plus Ivy and Eric)) with a mission – Pimping A Snack.
Moo-cow biscuits. What, apart from a smart clip around the ear from a passing bobby, better conjures up long lost childhood memories? Well, actually, there are lots, but its still one of those strange things we all felt nostalgic pangs for.
We had stocked up on some likely looking ingredients, a big bag of sugar, lots of margarine, heaps of cheap flour – we dashed out and got some Horlicks for the maltyness and away we went.
That done, some pimpin’ action was needed.
First, how big could we do it? We selected Marcia’s Largest baking tray, a handily sliding thing that allowed us to find the biggest size in proportion to a real Malted Milk. We used a very complex and scientific technique to achieve this – holding one in front of the other. Total eclipse of the Pimp.
Now some serious scribbling, turns out our Pimp is exactly seven time the size of a mere mortal malted milk. Luck is on our side as Ivy’s just learned her 7 times table.
Now for the lettering, fiddling with the “inspiration” image helped refine the lettering a bit. Printing this out at 78% gave us a 1-1 size template for that, while the more artistic amongst us hand drew the other parts.
For the Biscuit we creamed 2 cups sugar, 4 cups Margarine and 1 Cup Horlicks
Added a very large dessertspoonful of malt extract (probably optional, but we had some in the fridge and I have no idea why)
And, rather extravagantly a whole teaspoon of premium vanilla extract, for the flavour you understand.
Next we added 8 cups of flour and a tablespoon of salt this mix went into the fridge for 30 mins and we opened the second bottle of wine.
Ivy and Eric did some preparation of the tools. A cocktails stick traced through the template allowed Al to make the letters
While the rest of the gang made the 16 circles 4 blobs and 64 wheaty barley things. Marcia was chief Cow drawer / cutter-outer
The base was prepared, Blobs were added
As were the ear /leaf corn bits
And the grass, and text, bloody hell this is one complicated pimp. At last the final touches: Moo cows
And in to the oven. We cooked it at 180°C for about 10 minutes then lowered the temp to 150°C for another 30, we then switched the oven off and left it in the oven to cool (it was really humid and we didn’t want it soggy)
Bravely we took it out the oven and onto the table
A moment of tension, would our secret weapon, the sliding tin work? The first half came of smoothly, so did the second and Way hey a perfect Pimp.
For the record, its 3x7x7 = 141 times the size of a normal malted milk, ladies and gentlemen, the Mootated Milk.
We spent far too much (about £5) on this and now have a fridge full of unused marge and a cupboard full of sugar, and still no-idea why we had the Malt in our fridge.