Monster Munchie
by for £6.50

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When I decided to do my first pimp I really wanted what any good pimp wants – to turn a small, regular thing into a ridiculously impressive HUGE thing for no reason other than to cause people to say, “That IS big”.

As it turns out most of my friends simply reassert the fact that I have too much time on my hands. They don’t seem to understand the challenge, nay, achievement of genetically engineering confectionery.

What to do? Well, I like Munchies, and they’re really small so - pushing the other projects coursing through my mind aside - I decided to do a faithful replica of a Munchie as BIG AS POSSIBLE!

Firstly, the ingredients:

10 x 200g bar of Tesco Milk Chocolate
2 x 200g bag Tesco toffee
1 x 284ml Tesco double cream
2/3 pack of Tesco Shorties biscuits

Approximate cost - £6.50 – Yes I did it on the cheap, but that’s a lot of chocolate!! And it’s not too bad, it’s certainly not cooking chocolate. I’d put it on a level with Nestle’s really.


20cm x 20cm x 7cm baking tin
regular baking tray
baking paper
cake spatula – my dad always said there’s a tool for every job – and this is the tool for this messy job
various bowls and saucepans

1/ Firstly, grease the lining of the trays with butter, then line with baking paper

2/ Melt a LOT of chocolate in a pan. I opted not to go for the steaming technique due to the sheer volume required (basically a second trip to the shops the morning after the slightly tipsy night I started). I just put in a splash or two of milk to get the melting started then worked the added chocolate through the molten mass.

3/ Pour the molten chocolate into the baking tin and smooth it up the sides a little to give later chocolate something to cling to - have it about a centimetre thick on the bottom / top.

To cool this quicker I pooped it in the sink whilst I opened another bottle of wine. Oh, and my missus wants me to say the sink isn’t usually that dirty. (it is reall….ow).

4/ Next, I pounded up about two-thirds of the packet of biscuits in a bowl with the end of a rolling pin. Much more cathartic than using the food processor. Whack that into a saucepan and melt through around 75g of butter to make a mix that would stay in a ball if you squeezed it in your hand.

Wrap this up in cling film into a ball, pop it in the fridge, and get started on melting your toffee.

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