Total cost: £25.54
Total weight: 6.4kg
Total Calories (based on 100x normal Snickers)= 30,100 calories
1.5kg Roasted and Salted Peanuts
4 tins condensed milk
3kg caster sugar
6 bars Chocolate (1.2kg)
1kg tin Golden Syrup
9 Large Free Range Eggs
2 Packs Butter (16oz)
Splash of milk
Another 6 bars chocolate, because we didn’t have enough (1.2kg)
A bit more than a capful of vanilla extract
One fish kettle (never used, but cleaned and lined just in case)
Lay out the ingredients.
Clean the kitchen, then lay out the ingredients again. Take photo, ensuring a wire is visible (like most other pimpin’ projects). Consider puns about Tupacs of butter. Think of nicknames for this gargantuan Snickers bar…
Scour the whole town to find unsalted peanuts; discover only Tesco and Morrisons open, salted will have to suffice. Wash them under the tap (bit risky, but thankfully it works). A quick rub down with a towel gets rid of most of the water, but they’re not quite dry enough.
Consider baking them in the over, but choose to give them a workout in a large pan.
Using a wok, toss the nuts flamboyantly in the air, over a medium flame. (Ainsley Harriot has a lot to answer for).
Pick nuts up off floor, throw in bin and stop being an arse. Start again, heating the nuts slowly and more sedately over a small flame.
Melt chocolate in a bain-marie (bowl in a wok), then put in the bottom of the fish kettle. (Although it sounds pretty manky, the fish kettle has never been using for fish, but was lined with baking parchment just in case.)
In goes the chocolate to form the base!
Mix the nuts in with the first lot of caramel! (take arty photos of nutty caramel).
Second lot of caramel (to make the nougat). Mix the sugar, syrup, butter and condensed milk in a pan with a splash of milk to help the sugar dissolve. Heat in a large pan over a gentle heat, stirring constantly! Ignore the black bits floating around – it’s either teflon or burnt bits. Smells a bit burnt, but it’ll be fine.
Keep dropping spoonfuls of this super hot liquid into cold water – when it forms a hard ball, it’s ready.
Meanwhile, in a large bowl, whisk the egg whites until they form stiff peaks with newly purchased blender.
Carefully whisk the molten toffee/caramel into the egg whites/meringue.
Pour into the fish kettle!
This is now super hot and needs to be cooled. Curse the dimensions of the fridge! How to cool it? Wrap it in more baking paper and stick it in the garden! (It is spring in Scotland and therefore VERY cold. Note the windblown daffodils).
Once cool, dollop the nutty caramel mix on the top and level out with a ladle (VERY sticky, very good).
Top off with more melted chocolate. (Cover and leave in the garden again till it sets).
Realise there’s not enough chocolate. Visit Tesco again. Wonder why Tesco Value Chocolate is exactly the same price as Tesco normal chocolate (same weight, same price).
Heat the newly acquired chocolate in the bain marie, then allow to cool, stirring constantly. You may find this takes a bit longer than expected (Wife Swap AND ER). Pour the thick chocolate over the sides of the near-complete Mega-Snickers and smooth out carefully. Realise this is impossible, as it’s just too big. Smooth out as best you can.
Cut, serve, compare!
Think of name of giant Snickers. Decide to go back to basics and revert to "Marathon". Choose "Marathon&on" to be the best Pimped Pun.
Normal Snickers weighs 64.5g
Marathon&On weighs 6.45kg
100 times bigger!
Normal Energy: 1685 KJ / 301 KCAL
Pimped Energy: 168,500 KJ / 30.1 MEGA CAL
This product may contains nuts.