Pimp That Snack

GM Banana Split

by Andy, Elle, Nicky, Mike (Anus), Cas and Sophie 9 photos Rated 52% 233 votes when voting closed

Ingredients:

Lots of bananas
Vegetarian jelly crystals (for the two veggie pimps)
Chocolate
Ice cream (we could only get vanilla)
Random colourful sweets (giant sprinkles)
Chocolate and strawberry ice cream sauces

Approximate Cost: About 8 quid

Following the monumental flop that had been our first attempt, the crew felt the time had come to have another bash. One night out on the town, Pimp Anus came up with the idea of the banana split, and the rest is, as they say, history.

The banana split is a desert so legendary that three different towns in the USA claim to have invented it. It is generally accepted, however, that in 1907 Ernest Hazard split a banana in two and laid it in a dish. He served it with various flavours of ice cream and toppings but it was only after a few months he thought of peeling the bananas as he was told the skins discouraged the ladies.

History lesson over, it was time to get going. Ingredients were gathered from all four corners of North Surrey, and, accompanied by some decidedly un-pimplike music, we got to work.

Two bunches of bananas, a tub of vanilla ice cream, dessert sauce, plain chocolate bars and jelly sachets

Here we encountered our first problem. None of our crew is very good at genetic engineering, and thus the giant banana would have to be made artificially. A quick search of google (the modern pimp’s best friend) provided a recipe for banana whip, which we were assured would set like jelly. The same site provided a recipe for corned beef whip, which we kept in case of a nuclear holocaust.

Fist of all we performed the banana-slicing task. The banana was mixed with boiling water and jelly crystals to produce a cat-puke like mixture. As the blender was not big enough this stage had to be repeated five times to make a big enough banana.

Blender jug packed with sliced banana, chopping board and knife on the table beside it

The mixture was poured into a casserole dish and left to cool.

Red-nailed hand scoring the set banana mixture in a glass dish with a black-handled knife

With laboratory like precision, our lump of banana was sculpted to more resemble its little brother. Note painted nails are crucial to producing the ultimate pimp.

Two pairs of hands carving the set banana jelly into a giant banana on a blue platter

Due to the lack of a giant scoop, the hygienic Nicky’s fist method was employed.

Hands digging vanilla ice cream out of a big tub with a spoon

Once the ice cream had been artistically arranged, chunks of chocolate and sweets (giant sprinkles) and huge amounts of sauce were spread over it. As sun-loving pimps (and so the dog could clean up), the split was laid out on the lawn for photos and eating.

The Cover Shot

Close on scoops of ice cream, chocolate chunks, coloured sweets and red and caramel sauce

Alongside its little homeboy

The giant split on its blue platter on the grass beside a normal one on a side plate

A hungry pimp is a good pimp, especially when the desert is big enough to feed 20 people. Amazingly it tasted nice and even tasted of banana! Note the browning (proof it is a real banana). We are considering submitting our GM banana to the US government as a plan for feeding all those starving Ethiopian children.

Four people kneeling on the lawn digging into the huge platter with spoons

The after picture. Cause of death is believed to be drive-by shooting.

The wrecked platter afterwards: melted ice cream, broken banana jelly and five abandoned spoons

More like this