Lots of bananas
Vegetarian jelly crystals (for the two veggie pimps)
Ice cream (we could only get vanilla)
Random colourful sweets (giant sprinkles)
Chocolate and strawberry ice cream sauces
Approximate Cost: About 8 quid
Following the monumental flop that had been our first attempt, the crew felt the time had come to have another bash. One night out on the town, Pimp Anus came up with the idea of the banana split, and the rest is, as they say, history.
The banana split is a desert so legendary that three different towns in the USA claim to have invented it. It is generally accepted, however, that in 1907 Ernest Hazard split a banana in two and laid it in a dish. He served it with various flavours of ice cream and toppings but it was only after a few months he thought of peeling the bananas as he was told the skins discouraged the ladies.
History lesson over, it was time to get going. Ingredients were gathered from all four corners of North Surrey, and, accompanied by some decidedly un-pimplike music, we got to work.
Here we encountered our first problem. None of our crew is very good at genetic engineering, and thus the giant banana would have to be made artificially. A quick search of google (the modern pimp’s best friend) provided a recipe for banana whip, which we were assured would set like jelly. The same site provided a recipe for corned beef whip, which we kept in case of a nuclear holocaust.
Fist of all we performed the banana-slicing task. The banana was mixed with boiling water and jelly crystals to produce a cat-puke like mixture. As the blender was not big enough this stage had to be repeated five times to make a big enough banana.
The mixture was poured into a casserole dish and left to cool.
With laboratory like precision, our lump of banana was sculpted to more resemble its little brother. Note painted nails are crucial to producing the ultimate pimp.
Due to the lack of a giant scoop, the hygienic Nicky’s fist method was employed.
Once the ice cream had been artistically arranged, chunks of chocolate and sweets (giant sprinkles) and huge amounts of sauce were spread over it. As sun-loving pimps (and so the dog could clean up), the split was laid out on the lawn for photos and eating.
The Cover Shot
Alongside its little homeboy
A hungry pimp is a good pimp, especially when the desert is big enough to feed 20 people. Amazingly it tasted nice and even tasted of banana! Note the browning (proof it is a real banana). We are considering submitting our GM banana to the US government as a plan for feeding all those starving Ethiopian children.
The after picture. Cause of death is believed to be drive-by shooting.