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Giant Fruit Pastille

Rated 88%
294 votes

Ingredients: Jelly; 3 different flavours, 2 packets per flavour (We chose strawberry, rasberry and orange), Sugar, Tin Foil, a Mold of sorts, Paper, Colouring Pencils, 2 very handsome young gentlemen with too much time on thier hands.

1) To begin with, arrange your ingredients in a nice formation in order to take the obligatory first photo (NB. It may be worth doing this before you’ve thrown the packets in the bin, and then have to salvage what you can, accepting the fact that two of the packets are lost for good.)

2) Consume several cans of beer in order to use the empty cans (you could empty the contents down the sink but where’s the fun in that? This may require the supervision of a responsible adult, but this is purely a suggestion). With the empty cans, cut off the bottom few inches so that your left with (ideally) 9 molds for the pastilles. Melt the jelly in the microwave and then top up with a small amount of hot water. Divide the jelly juice between 3 of the molds and put in the fridge. Repeat this process with the other 2 flavours of jelly.

3) Whilst the jelly is setting in the fridge, you can begin making the wrapper for your Pastilles. For this, do as I did and find youself a man of a simple nature who is easily amused by the arduous task of colouring in an A4 piece of paper green. Your local community centre is as good a place as any to look for such a person. Once this is complete, check the fridge and see how your pastilles are coming along? If set proceed to the next step, if not, prehaps pass the time by drinking more cans (for future use), or by repainting the outside of your house.

4). If you have got to this step then you are about the encounter the same problems that we did. As it transpires, cut up beers cans do not provide the best molds, as the process of extracting the pastille-to-be proves to be a bit of a challenging task. We found out that cutting down the sides of the can with a sturdy pair of scissors and the peeling the sides down to expose the base is a good way of getting round the problem. Once you have your pastille, fill a bowl with sugar and lightly coat the pastille. You will find that this instantly takes away the stickyness and leaves you with a manageable beauty. Continue to do this until you have all your pastilles coated in sugar, place of a plate and take a nice close up photo of them in order to appear arty

5. Assemble you pastilles onto tin foil and wrap it so that you are left with (what you’d expect) a load of giant fruit pastilles wrapped in tin foil.

6. Wrap your label (which hopefully will have been finished by now, although if not you can always resort to poking your simple friend with a vast array of objects, ranging from the pogo stick to the traditional barge pole) around the tin foil sausage, and marvel at the ginourmous package that you have (Cue amusing crotch shots).

7. This is the stage in the proceedings when you have your pimped snack and have to take your comparative photo to show just how big your pastilles are compared to the regular sized packets. For this we recommend buying two packs of Fruit Pastilles as the inevitable consequence of buying one packet is that you eat one before the pimping is complete, and then have to go to the shops to buy another pack for the photo.

8. Now its time to open up your Pimped pack of Fruit Pastilles and enjoy the sugary goodness that you’ve made.

This feature is courtesy of Leo and Ali enterprises


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