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It was half term and the creative juices were flowing. Finally after years of reading Pimp That Snack, I was ready and I had an equally excited partner in crime… Pimpage happened that day my friends.

We wanted classy. We wanted original, and we wanted easy. 3 key things a pimp wants his beeatches to be. No mess, no fuss, pure pimping. After searching both the interWEB and we came up with the tiny taste sensation that is the ‘Freckle’. Freckles are what we Australians call chocolate buttons covered in 100s and 1000s. My English pimping partner informed me these gems of goodness are called ‘Jazzies’ in the UK. After briefly experimenting with “Frejazzie” and assorted name combinations, we went for the addition of –licious for instant glam appeal.

Behold the construction of the Frecklicious!!

After finding a suitably large saucepan lid some simple calculations had to be made.

All good Pimps finished up to at least year 10, so r2h is nothing new to you. This came to be a little over 1kg of chocolate. Craftily and skillfully like ninjas scaling a warlord’s outer battlement, the number of M&Ms it will take to cover the enormous choc button was estimated. The basic shop was then completed. After trips to ASDA, Waitrose and Sainsbury’s amid dodging students also on half term break, all ingredients had been paid for… with the blood of innocents.

3 x 200g ASDA milk chocolate
2 x 200g ASDA dark chocolate
2 x 250g milk M&Ms
Cling wrap
3pk of Cadbury chocolate buttons
100s and 1000s
Bacardi (for time travel)

Approximate cost = £14 including the Bacardi!

In the UK you can’t just buy bags of Freckles, you need a sweet shop for Pick-n-Mix. Like Anna-Nicole’s IQ, Andover came up short so we had to buy the fixings for making comparison Freckles. My hatred of UK milk chocolate lead us to combine dark and milk chocolate. The final result was superb, like the dewy shine of Chav bling on the local students.

Standard chocolate melting rules applied to our kilogram of brown love. Glass bowl, flexible spatula and simmering water in a saucepan were essential.

At this stage I must pipe in with the discovery I had been searching for; Which UK chocolate tastes like Aussie milk chocolate? The answer is ASDA budget milk chocolate. FACT! While I basked in this new information, my pimping buddy stirred the melting chocolate and I lined the saucepan lid with 3, criss-crossed layers of cling wrap for easy pimp removal. All going to plan, that bad boy will slide out like a satisfied customer. All that was left was to pour, shake to settle and leave to chill at room temperature for about 16 hours.

We took this time to make comparison Freckles. A few choc buttons with a smear of melted chocolate and sprinklings of 100s and 1000s left us with some munchies and something to compare to.

Bacardi, authentic home-made Mexican food, mani and pedicures, the Sex and the City Movie and a semi-naked pillow fight passed the time while the chocolate was setting. Note, buy letting the chocolate set at room temperature, you eliminate crystals forming in your chocolate and this leads to a smoother texture in your mouth. FACT!

Day 2 dawned and the excitement was palpable. After getting a large cutting board the button was positioned and flipped over.

The centre of the button was just squishy enough for the M&Ms to stick, but the edges were too hard. Like most ladies of the night, we had a hair-dryer handy and soon had that button wet and glistening like a first timer.

The estimation of M&Ms was almost on the money with a packet and a 1/3 being needed for complete button coverage.

2 more strategic blasts with the hair dryer had our Frecklicious looking fabulously pimped. After an hour in the fridge to set the M&Ms in place the final show-down could begin

Freckle Frecklicious
Diameter = 2cm Diameter = 27cm
Depth = 5mm Depth = 3cm
Weight = 10g (estimated) Weight = 1.3kg (estimated)

The cutting of the beast was filmed and celebrated with much whooping and hollering.

The cross section revealed our accuracy in dimension and scale.

All that was left to do, other than begin the very slow process of consuming our pimp, was to pose with our creation.

Pimp complete.


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