Fig Roll
by for £2.60

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We folded it over and cleverly disguised the seam on the bottom. We greased up the tray good n propa, and added a sprinkling of pure Colombian flour to stop sticking. We may be tough gangstas able to stop bullets with our gold teeth, but it still took two of us to lift it onto the tray. Then we wiped the blood from a switchblade and scored some lines in the top for that authentic “ridgy” look.

Then we flung that bad boy in the oven on gas mark 5 for 20 minutes, giving us time to clean up the mean streets of Lancaster.

After some debate, we lifted the beast out of the tray using a spatula, a cake stand and four hands. Then we showed the fig roll who was boss by slicing off the ends.

Behold, the fig roll behemoth! Move over P. Diddy, make way for P. Figgy!!

Now for the Kriss-Kross section. We went and put out trousers on back to front, made a seriously large amount of tea and set to work!!!

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