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Dairylea Triange

Rated 75.91%
348 votes


3x300g tubs of dairylea
1 box of dairylea triangles for research
lots of tinfoil
an old cereal box
red ribbon

Total cost: £5.01

Total calories: 2600 calories

Still flushed with the success of my first pimping foray, Scotch Egg 2, I decided to stick with the savoury pimping theme. And what better snack to pimp than every child’s favourite, the eat-it-straight-from-the-fridge-then-lick-the-tinfoil-clean dairylea triangle?

I bought a whole load of dairylea, just over a kilogram of the stuff to be precise, and put it in the fridge. About a week later, when I was fed up of not being able to fit ‘normal’ food in the fridge, I decided it was time to pimp the triangle. First off I weighed and measured a standard triangle (weight = 23g, length = 5cm, width = 4cm, height = 2cm, volume = 20 cubic cm). I then indulged in some very painful calculations to work out what size my pimped up, 46 times heavier triangle needed to be (weight = 1050g, length = 19cm, width = 14.5cm, height = 6.7cm, volume = 920 cubic cm).

I reckoned that trying to encase a huge blob of oozing dairylea in flimsy tinfoil was likely to end in disaster, so in true Blue Peter style I used an old cereal box to form the basis of my triangle wrapper.

With my wrapper constructed it was a pretty straightforward job to scoop the contents of the tubs of dairylea into it.

And to my mathematical gratification there was just enough space for the 7 triangles which weren’t required for the obligatory big snack – little snack shot at the end.

I finished off my glorious snack with a pimped up red ribbon and a final layer of tinfoil. Behold!

Then came the moment of truth…was it a true dairylea triangle?

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, which required me to hack through cardboard and gooey cheese with a bread knife.

Of course, having destroyed my triangle I ended up scooping all the dairylea back into the tubs I scooped it out of in the first place. And because I’m an ethical snack-pimper who doesn’t like to waste food, I’ve got as much dairylea back in the fridge as I did before I started (minus the bits that stuck to the foil and the original mini-triangle, which I ate). My friends and family are going to get mightily fed up of dairylea sandwiches…


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