Giant Jam Sandwich Cream

The Jam Sandwich Cream – a biscuit you’ll recognise but probably didn’t know the name of. This famous little gem is the favourite in biscuit multi-packs, and always runs out first because its the nicest one.

What better way to show respect for this silent genius, than to pimp it?

Ingredients:

Plain flour, lots of
Custard power (optional)
Icing sugar, enough to make you vomit
Jam
I can’t believe its not Butterlicious (fake butter, c/o Sainsburys)
Jam Sandwich Creams for inspiration and comparison.

Ingredients assembled: jam, custard powder, plain flour, icing sugar, spread and a packet of the original biscuits

For the biscuity base, I nicked an established receipe. Take 200g of sugar, 400g of butter, and 600g of flour. Hurl it into a bowl and ponder just how long it’ll take to mix the bloody thing together. I sped this up by putting the ‘butter’ in the microwave for 40 seconds.

Hands beating butter and icing sugar together with a wooden spoon in a mixing bowl

7 hours later when its all nice and mixed, it should have become a nice, almost doughy-like substance. Throw about and make silly shapes with this for a while before flattening it out in to something that might suspiciously resemble the base of the biscuit.

Both hands flattening a large disc of pale biscuit dough on a floured worktop

Smoothing the dough round on a foil-lined tray, rolling pin and kitchen scales nearby

Do the same again, only this time carve out a nice whole for that jam bit.

The second dough round with a circle cut from its centre, ready for the jam

I have no real perception of either heat or time, but about 20-25 minutes in the oven at 180 degrees should turn this into a faily solid biscuity base. While that’s cooking away, turn your attention to the custardy creamy bit that goes in the middle.

OK, strictly the Jam Sandwich cream isn’t custard flavoured, and you could omit the custard power from the receipe but that wouldn’t make it half as much fun. So, take an ungodly amount of icing sugar and custard power, and mix with yet more ‘butter’ substance. Again, a quick burst of micro-power will help this along.

Beating the custard-cream filling in a Pyrex jug beside the flour and jam jar

Don’t do what I did, which was to realise you’d put too much ‘butter’ in, and have to compensate with a dangerous level of yet more icing sugar and custard power.

Close-up of the bright orange custard buttercream being worked in the jug

No really, I’m not joking. This vomitous-looking paste is pretty much 98% sugar and the rest is buttery goo. It tastes oddly like a diabeties attack. One emergency shot of glycogen later, and its time to spread this stuff on the now cooked biscuit base.

Spreading the pale buttercream across the baked base biscuit on a white plate