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Traditional cutlery also lacks a completely unnecessary laser targeting system.
Ours are not traditional. A laser pen which can usually be found residing in the bottom drawer of my desk,
seemed appropriate. The tip I selected was the standard dot, picked marginally over the cross hair.
The laser pen was embedded neatly in the handle. The last thing to do was to align it.
After assembling the pieces together using the most manly glue there is (araldite), there is one finishing touch.
Everybody knows that in order for buttons to work correctly, they must be red.
The button controlling the laser must therefore be chosen very carefully. The one I selected was originally a
red button probably intended for use in conjunction with some sort of fabric.
We did expect a night use torch from our pyromaniac after explaining that the mini torch from a combo
lighter could be removed for use with his spoon. It quickly became apparent that he didn’t understand when
he revealed a spoon which featured a lighter in the handle.
Current models include the spork as described, the spoon which includes a cross hair laser,
a defence spike and a telescopic straw, and pyromaniac spoon with lighter attachment and a left handed skew.
There is no need to go to the effort of making your own knife if you had already been deemed owner of the
most aggressive kitchen knife at university.
Optional features:
Laser for targeting
Lighter for making fire
Spike for defending your food
Telescopic straw for getting the last bit of juice/sauce
Future developments:
A torch accessory for eating in the dark
A retractable harpoon attachment for eating things which are far away and/or still alive
A more powerful laser capable of cutting your food
This pimp was brought to you by the Bailey brothers, George and Jon, with the help of their pyromaniac.
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