Monster Tuc

As virgin pimpers, our primary reasons behind our choice of pimp was ease of creation, and relative chance of success. After a few false starts we decided upon the cheese lovers favourite, the TUC biscuit.

What we used:
12oz Plain Flour
8oz cooking margarine
4oz ‘mature’ cheddar (mature in that it had been living in our fridge for a while) – grated
2 eggs
1 tsp baking powder
pinch mustard powder
salt & pepper

Approximate cost of pimp – £1.70

Having decided upon our choice of pimp, we headed down to the shops to purchase the required ingredients (we even had to shell out on an entire pack of mustard powder, which will now sit in the cupboard for the next 2 decades, never to be used again). Note use of apron as an attractive backdrop – also essential for the authentic baking ‘experience’.

We measured the dimensions of the original using both a ruler (length & width) and a micrometer (depth). We felt that to get this pimp right, accuracy was essential.

We used a basic cheese biscuit recipe, deviating slightly by adding baking powder to gain that ‘partly risen’ light quality that your bog standard TUC has. The margarine was rubbed into the sifted flour, mustard, baking powder, salt & pepper. The grated cheese was mixed in and finally beaten egg used to bind it to a doughy texture.

The dough was rolled out to the approximate dimensions, at which point the cutting commenced. This was by far and away the lengthiest part of the pimp – as my engineer husband decided that the scale should be exact. Using a detailed template (creating used software normally reserved for designing jet fighters), he measured out the length of each side to the millimetre, even going as far to position the little decorative holes precisely.

I’d overestimated the amount of dough required (we were constrained by the size of our oven) – but not to worry – I was able to make a pile of normal sized cheese biscuits too. Mmmmmmm !!!

After a painstaking 30 minutes of measuring, re-measuring, cutting and ‘making holes’, our beast was ready for the oven. Hopefully you’ll agree all the metrological (the official term for measuring stuff) effort was worthwhile.

20 mins at 190º and no baking related disasters later, and our first pimp was done. To get the authentic TUC taste, a small amount of salt was sprinkled on the top, before allowing it to cool for transfer to plate. It’s the daddy of all cheese biscuits. Ladies and gentlemen – I give you MONSTER-TUC!!!!

It’s tucing great!

And how does it taste? One word – TUCTASTIC!