Pimp That Snack

The Devils Chocolate Orange

by G*Nome 8 photos Rated 73% 236 votes when voting closed

Step 1: The first natural step is to find the Devil and ask him how big
he likes his chocolate oranges. Unfortunately I couldn’t actually tie
the evil one down to ask him so through a mutual friend I find out he
eats his chocolate oranges 125 times as big. Fair enough I thought,
I’ll see what I can do

Step 2: Planning. I bought and took measurements for Terry’s chocolate
orange and proceeded to calculate how big the Devil wanted his. It
turns out Lucifer wants a chocolate orange a whooping 32.5 cm in
diameter. This is easily as big as a football.

Design sketches, ruler, penknife and an opened real chocolate orange on a cluttered computer desk

Step 3: Not seeing suitable mould materials in Morrisons, I looked
around my pimp house. I decided to use my pimping Lava Lamp Box as the
mould using (unwisely) regular sellotape to put it together.

A hand holds a black card semicircle up to the window, Terry's logo painted on it

Step 4: I calculated how much chocolate this actually is, it turns out
to be 21.875kg. Thinking back to Morrisons reasonable 25p for 100g , I
quickly realised this would cost in excess of £50. Now I’m a good pimp,
but not that good and knew I would never be able to afford that and so
I decided to make a single slice, and then anymore on demand for my
hoes and the Devil. Thankfully this will cost just £3 and equates to
just over 1kg, pimptastic.

Step 5: Purchase the ingredients: chocolate and orange essence.

Cardboard half-dome mould, stacked budget chocolate bars and orange extract laid out on a pool table

Step 6: Melt the chocolate like every good pimp by heating it over
boiling water.

Adding orange extract from a small bottle to a pan of melted chocolate on the hob

Step 7: The tricky part. Being a lone pimper I had to fashion a funnel
out of a magazine, hold it in place and pour the chocolate (and take a
photo) at the same time.

DISASTER. With the mould filled to the brim I was feeling confident,
Just about to put it in the fridge when the sellotape fails and the
chocolatey orangey goodness is released from within and flows down the
drain.

The half-round mould propped in the sink, melted chocolate splattered across the stainless steel

Step 8: Cry.

Step 9: Not wanting to feel the wrath of Beelzebub I pulled myself
together. I managed to save some of the chocolate and put the mould in
the fridge anyway to see if my design works. Then I popped down to the
shops for some heavy duty duct tape (so add £3 to the price) and some
more chocolate. Lets see you beat that you chocolate fiend.

Step 10: Wait and see how the half filled mould works. Turn out mould
and marvel in what it could have been.

Step 11: Heat chocolate and refill mould, this time enlist one of your
hoes to take a promotional photo of the pouring.

Hands at the sink hold a duct-taped, newspaper-wrapped mould beneath a cloth-held upturned dish

Step 13: Freeze overnight and in the morning turn it out and marvel.

Broken slabs and shards of set milk chocolate piled on a white plate beside the hob

Unfortunately I made a school pimp error and when I refashioned the
mould after the first disaster I put the logo on the right way round
and so it comes out the wrong way round on the chocolate, but I figure
the Devil wouldn’t want it to be normal and boring…being the lord of
the Underworld and everything.

The finished giant chocolate orange half, Terry's embossed on top, beside a normal-sized segment for scale

Apart from that not a bad effort I
think, a 1.3ish kg slice of Chocolate orange. What does the Devil
think? It’s the day of the beast and so he’s off causing death and
destruction and so I haven’t had chance to ask him yet. For all you
pimps who want to know if it tastes good, here’s a quote from one of my
hoes: "I think I prefer it to Terry’s". Pimpsuccess.

More like this