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Having been told about the website by a colleague at work, who had seen it in the Metro, I immediately wanted to do my own pimping project. After a long debate I ended up going for my favourite chocolate bar, the one I still call the Marathon, but the MTV generation will know it by its more American name, the Snickers.

Ingredients and Equipment:

1 standard tin of condensed milk – 90p
2 Nougat bars – £2
1 large packet of Peanut Fake Smarties (M&M’s) – £1.44
Salted Butter – Negligible
Golden Syrup – Negligible
Lots of cheap chocolate – £1

Original Price – 36p
Pimped Price – £5.33

Silicone Baking Parchment
A Plastic Butter Tray
A Pyrex bowl
A good copper pan with a thick base

The pimping begins

The first step was to find a mould for the bar. After much hunting around I settled on a plastic butter tray from a 2004 MkIV AEG integrated refrigerator. An under the counter number. She was a real beauty, and the dimensions were just right. Scaled up she was about sixteen times the volume of a standard bar, but slightly wider and shorter, which would give it the look and feel of a 50’s Beetle with the suspension lowered, and a drop top.

I greased the mould and lined it with baking parchment like my mum always told me. This was for quick release. Silicone paper is the bomb according to my mum. Apparently normal baking parchment isn’t nearly as good at not sticking to things. Keep that in mind if you’re thinking of doing your own pimping.

I melted some chocolate in a pyrex bowl over some hot water, then poured some into the bottom of the lined butter dish to make the base. I then put it into the freezer for a quick and hard set.

The Nougat Layer

It seems to be difficult to get hold of good old-fashioned nougat (Nuggit) these days, so me and my Nougat pimp brother cruised the streets for a long time before we found somewhere that still sold the stuff. Ironically they sell it close to where the hood rats cruise their pimped up Mini Metros on Southend Seafront. Instead of standard white Nougat I thought it would be better to pimp it up by using Fruity Nougat, with a layer of Strawberry Nougat, like Neon around the edge.

I heated both bars in the microwave for twenty seconds on full power. This made them soft and malleable. I rolled out the strawberry bar so that it was nice and flat, and then wrapped it around the fruity bar.

I then pressed both of these into the butter dish on top of the chocolate base.

The caramel

I heated the condensed milk in the copper pan until it started to thicken and turn light brown. I then added a few spoons of butter and two tablespoons of golden syrup to thin it out a bit so that it would pour between the peanuts, but why use ordinary peanuts. Pimps want something more colourful; something a bit more sexy to show off to their bitches. The only thing fitting was to use peanut M&M’s. I poured the M&M’s into the top half of the mould and then poured the caramel on top. It was like molten lava at this stage. Watch out kids! I think that the coating around M&M’s must be some kind of Kevlar as when I poured the 10 million degree caramel over them they didn’t melt. They didn’t even change shape!

When the guts of the bar had set I pulled it out of the mould. This was a satisfying brick of naked confectionary.

The sides were not quite square, so I plugged up the holes with some left over caramel so that when I poured over the silky smooth brown chocolate leather overcoat it would be smooth and even. All that was left was that thick pimp-jacket of chocolate, just like Huggy Bear used to wear in Starsky and Hutch.

With it’s coat on it was finished. Since making the bar several real pimps have asked me for the recipe.


Original Bar

Pimped up Bar










My girlfriend ate the end piece (shown in the picture) and had to be immediately rushed to hospital and given insulin. This bar is one seriously high calorie mother.


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