4 kilos sausage meat
800g orange breadcrumbs
2 large soft Turkish loaves
Mini scotch egg: 25g, 32 calories
Our Maxi Egg: 6.8 kgs, probably over 30,000 calories
The Scotch Egg is the baddest savoury snack on the street. He’s able to survive long hard years on the shelf and chillin’ in the fridge or even just loungin’ down the back of the sofa. You’ll find him gettin’ laid everywhere – in the street, in the car, and especially on the garage forecourt. All the other bruvs – pork pies, pasties, buffet bars – give respect to His Mighty Eggness. They all fight to sit at the right hand of His Mighty Eggness on the shelves. So we say time to give him respect and pimp, soup and bling him to the max.
So take an egg, just like Momma Delia says, then take 59 more and cook them up.
Pop your meat out of its skin. There’s nothing like the feelin’ of a really wicked piece of raw meat in your hands. Squeeze it, baby.
Get your Chavimix out and really bust up that bread.
Then it’s meat and bread in the mix. Bump and grind, you know they’re meant to be together.
Time to mould your meat mix into two sista bowls.
Use foil as protection
because it’s going to get seriously hot (90 minutes at gas mark 3 – I).
Once that heat has done its bizness, cool your empty meat shells.
Roll them over onto something with curves for a little relaxing support. Give them a sprinkling of breadcrumbs and a slooow massage. Nice and easy.
Get busy with shelling those eggs. Slice and dice them , get your mayo and give it to them. Stir it all up. Sweet .
Roll your shells onto their backs and trim them til they’re smooth as ma bitch’s booty. Get your egg mix and fill them up till they can’t take no more.
This is one heavy pair of cohones.
Take a deep breath and get those two on top of each other. Work it baby.
Set the egg on a plinth. Tasty.
And the final touch of class. Dim the lights and raise an Eggtini to His Eggness. Respect.