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Quite Big Pink Wafer

Rated 38.25%
298 votes

As soon as I happened across this site, I knew exactly what needed to be done and that was a Pink Wafer Biscuit.

Perhaps the most glorious of snacks, it holds everything dreams are made of: crispy layers, a light fluffy texture in the middle of the layers, feelings of nostalgia, and most importantly, they’re pink.

We spent a good few weeks planning our Pink Wafer Biscuit, and from recipes created in the Seventeenth Century, to American Style Sweet waffles, we thought of it all.

We eventually settled for the following method:

1) Go shopping in Sainsburys or other local supermarket. Place the following ingredients in trolley:
– 4 Packets of American Style Sweet Waffles (Although 3 would probably do)
– 1 Packet of Kerrygold Butter
– 1 Bottle of Pink Food Colouring
– 1 Bottle of beetle-free Cochineal Flavoured Food Colouring
– 1 Bottle of Strawberry Flavouring
– 1 Pack of Icing Sugar

Cost: £5.20

3) Use the Self Service checkouts since you’re too cool for Shop Assistants

4) Next, return home. Then go searching in Portobello Road for a Spritzer (Reasons why to become clearer later on).

5) Return home properly this time. Make the pink concoction in the Spritzer. Use half a bottle of the Pink Food colouring, half of the Chochineal, and the tiniest amount of Strawberry Flavouring ever. (I realise you’re probably all thinking that Pink Wafers don’t taste of strawberry, and you’re completely right, but there is a slight hint of something, and we figured strawberry would probably be closest)

6) Discover the Spritzer only sprays in Jets. Cry. Find out that Emily’s Mum keeps old spritzer bottles from body sprays and suchlikes. Wash out, then refill with the Pink Strawberry Concoction.

7) Take all the Waffles outside and spray them on either side with the Pink Concoction.

8) Discover this is really fun, and when sprayed at others, it looks like a rash.

9) Take all the newly Pink Waffles back inside and arrange in Baking trays. Dry them out in the oven on a very low heat for a very long time, to make them crispy and wafer-like.

10) While they’re drying out in the oven, dress your chin up to look like your favourite British Sea Power Fan, Watch the X-Factor and make yourselves a lovely dinner of Pasta and Tomato Sauce.

11) Disect the original wafers, and sample the filling in order to figure out exactly how the filling is made up. Announce "It tastes of nothing and has a slight grainy texture." Make up a fairly sloppy (but still spreadable) version of Butter Icing. Put some Caster Sugar inside, to represent that slightly grainy texture.

12) Arrange wafery waffles in overlapping style, so that they stay together. This will require at least one wafery waffle to be cut in half. Make sure this is done carefully so as not to split it.

13) Stick the three layers of Wafery Waffles together with the Sloppy Grainy Buttery Icing. Leave overnight to dry. Hope it doesn’t melt.

14) Return to the Quite Big Pink Wafer in the morning. Find it has dried and looks more magnificent then you ever imagined.

11) Take silly photos of yourselves holding it, while wearing Twinings Sponsored Eye-Masks and exciting looking showerhats


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